I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
