I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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