Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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