you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
did you just send me my own nude
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
