i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
