Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
