Where are you?
In a non slutty way
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
