I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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