The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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