Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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