I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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