her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
did i walk over a car last night?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
