Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
You can't just leave with hair like that
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Randomize
