Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
