Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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