my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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