Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
