WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
