This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
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