Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Randomize
