Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
