It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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