I feel like I'm in dance class right now
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
