he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
