I wish I could punch you in the face.
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
