If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Randomize
