The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Randomize
