like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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