i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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