He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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