I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
