who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
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