my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
