so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
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