go do what you do best...puke behind churches
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
