i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
