i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
its not stalking. its research.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
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