Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
