I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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