Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
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