i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
