I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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