Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
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