its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
