so let's talk penis.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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