It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
