I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Randomize
