Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
