throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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