If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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