hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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