I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Randomize