...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
