Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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