So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
