I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
