420 ftw
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
