its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
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