she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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