So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I love you. Go after that dick
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