I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
