You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
he just fucked me for my cheese.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
