Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
