Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
