Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
