her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
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