can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Randomize
