I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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