Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
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