I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
