and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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