Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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