I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
