i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize