I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
