Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
