its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
someone owes me an orgasm
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
