Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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