not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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