The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
