I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize