opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
