I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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