He is an equal opportunity slut.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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