Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
