I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I can't turn off my feet"
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
