I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize