Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
