My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
