Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
