omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize
