Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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