I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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