Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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