You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
