birth control should be required to get into college
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
