One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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