well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
