just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
