mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize