My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
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