Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
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