I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
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