shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
