Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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