i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
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